The Past Month/A not-so-much Baby Bump/Rambling Thoughts.

We've been having one of those...months.  I'd like to say 'days' or 'weeks' but no, 'months' is much more accurate. I feel like it all started with Kailey getting sick... since then all of our kids have fallen sick. Just recently Haiden had strep, which then Logan got, and then of course Kailey showed signs of it as well.  Later, Haiden got hives from the Amoxicillian he was taking.  We found out the poor little guy is allergic is penicillian meds. :/

Kailey is pleasant when she is sick.  I know that sounds terrible.  Let me clarify by bragging: She is so full of happy energy.  She definitely adds a good bit of "sugar" to our life. I love the fact that she loves the timeless princesses.  She'll sit happily through Sonic and Transformers, but when it's her turn it is either Cinderella, Snow White, My Little Ponies, or Strawberry Shortcake. She knows super hero names and even knows how to wield a sword and play fight with Michael and Haiden, but she can also throw on a princess dress. Her laugh is contagious and she loves her brother so much.  She is very spunky, but also very sensitive at the same time.  At full health is fun, usually everywhere, or right up underneath someone. But her sick, brings out this whole other part of her that is nice to see.  She is calm and just lays on the couch. Her sweetness amps up and all you want to do is snuggle on the couch with her. 

Now, Haiden and from what I've seen of Logan being sick-- they just get grumpy. At one point, I was dealing with both of those boys sick and I thought I was gonna loose my mind.  Thank goodness for Logan's nap times. 

The other day, Logan was napping and the other two were playing separately in their rooms. All was quiet, so I thought I'll hop in the bath while this rare moment is giving me an opportunity.  Within two minutes, I hear Haiden and Kailey yelling at each other.  I sit there in my wondrous hot water hoping their squabble will end soon. It does not, so I hop out of the bath to find them fighting over crayons.  Haiden literally had Kailey penned down and Kailey was doing her best to kick him off. After that, I hopped back in the bath, only to see Kailey running through the bathroom saying "pee! pee!". From the look on her face, I could tell her wasn't going to make it, which she didn't.  So I get out the bath for good this time and throw her in the tub. As I start getting dressed, she starts freaking out saying, "poo! poo!" And as you might guess, yes there was poo floating in that terrible cursed bath.  At this moment, Logan decided to wake up in all his sickly glory. I have several of these kind of stories from over the past month.  This little jewel of an experience just happened to include all the kids.

Thankfully, they are all getting better. It has been as if I have been under a constant cloudy drizzle of sticky rain.  Michael would come home, and act as that blessed umbrella that you finally find in the car after getting soaked, but at least now it is in your hands and you can't do much more but smile.   

I've been feeling very grateful for health insurance to say the least. And now that everyone has been getting back to normal, I'm starting to feel the sun again.

All this while pregnant.  Did anyone forget? Because I have to admit that while all these rounds of sickness were afoot, I barely felt like I had time to remember myself. My legs haven't been hurting too bad and oddly, I haven't really started to show very much.  Although, I know I am gaining weight because my pants are not fitting correctly anymore. 

{16 weeks.}

Just to delve into my thoughts more, I'd like to say that before everyone got sick and this whirlwind decided to spin past our home, I prayed to know whether this really should be our last child. I asked for help to let me know if it would be okay for us to stop at number four. 

.....then this past month happened. 


Through each trial and those several experiences I did not mention in detail, I ended up thinking without fail, "4 is most definitely enough" or "Did I really think I wanted five kids?" or "Wow! What if this next baby were here right now".

I even texted the first thought to Michael a ton of times.  Isn't it funny, how after all that I still sit and think, "Am I sure?"; but that does not mean I have tempted the balance to reask Heavenly Father that question (just in case).

At first, I was very wishy washy on this subject.  Over the past month, I've grown less wishy washy and more thoughtful. I have thought long and hard of different women.  

I admire the woman who only has 1 or 2 kids and is content. I know that might sound silly, but I wonder how can she feel that way? I find admiration because here I sit contemplating a hard decision while she sits happily. 

I admire the woman who has 5, 6, or 7 kids.  The other day, we visited the Liberty Jail and there was a couple there who had 7 kids.  The oldest looked about 15, while the youngest looked about 9 months. My first thought was, "Wow. Now, that is too many for me." I know it. I feel it and I could never go there. But, I admire her. Those are the true superhero moms in my opinion. 

I admire the woman who is trying endlessly to have a child.  I cry so many tears easily when I think of these women.  I've had two dreams of having a baby for someone else. I know how precious a child is and my heart goes out to these women in so many ways. I admire their endurance, love, and perseverance. I love stories of triumph and then stories of adoption.  

I admire the woman who adopts. I can't imagine what that must feel like, but I am sure it is just like motherhood that I have felt.    

I absolutely love our kids. I love every moment with them, even if it's not so pleasant at the time. I know I am beyond blessed. I cannot thank Heavenly Father enough. I get to bring another life into our family in November. We will become a family of six. 

Will this be our last baby? yes. 

Am I still contemplating? Of course.  

I know that Heavenly Father will help us to know for sure though. I have no doubts. Where I was wishy washy, I am now thoughtful. By the time the decision will officially need to be made, we will be ready to make it. 

I believe 4 is a good number for us.  The ironic thing is that no matter how many we have, there will always be moments where a sting will be felt throughout life. When I grasp that...when I come to terms with it.. when I think about all those women I find admiration in... I feel comfortable and content when I think about our number 4. 


and on a side note: I have been looking all over for a swim suit for this summer.  I hate maternity swim suits! The cute ones are found mostly online and are super expensive. The ones in stores are usually black or ugly colored. I ended up buying a size large from Old Navy in the women's department, and then modified it on my sewing machine. It'll work, and I'm glad the looking is over. BUT! It did make me happy to think that after this summer I will not be looking for another maternity swim suit. I will be back to the cute swim suits and eventually back to a body that isn't super round and ghastly in said swim suit. ;)

-Heather